Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
