And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
