So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
