its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
