I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
