i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
