nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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