Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
