Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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