You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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