Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
