she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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