I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're too hungover to prance.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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