Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
