Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize