she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
