I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
