You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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