Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
