Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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