Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
