dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
