you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize