Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
