My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize