You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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