i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
