roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
