Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
