you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
