yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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