I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
