I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
