So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
