I should be sponsored by Trojan
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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