her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
