i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Slut skills are useful in every country.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
