One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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