I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
