She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
