You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
