I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
