You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
