The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
