The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
