What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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