She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
where does the pee come out of this thing
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
