woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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