Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
