I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
