You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
