Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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