Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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