My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
