3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
