i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
