I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize