problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
