You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
