I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
