He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
