Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
