I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
