yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
