Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
