You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
