i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
