She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
