My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
