found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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