Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
