Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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