this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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