Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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