I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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