do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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