I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
