i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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