No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Watching her eat just hurts me
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
