Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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