His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
