apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
