I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
PANTIES FOUND
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