dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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