I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
