i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize