$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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