Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
