What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
